Ultra frustrated, just updated my facebook. Annoyed at my mother, frustrated by my boyfriend's mother. Lord have mercy.
I hate youtube ads. Anywho....so next Sunday my man, his kids, and his parents will be going to a water park. I will not be going because it would be tension fueled and his mother would most likely be very annoyed by my presence. I asked love if I could go anyway if I changed my mind, as I'd like the chance to be around the kids and for his parents to see how I am with them. However, no, I asked him and he said he'd have to talk to them about it and I told him no. If he needed to ask them about me coming and going through that kind of conversation it isn't worth it.
APPARENTLY her issues are these; I don't have a job(understable though however hard I've tried I've yet to find one, not to mention I wouldn't have a ride), not in school(have to wait till September to take the GED), apparently I have no maternal instincts(bullshit), and I have nothing to offer the kids(once again, bullshit)
I might act angry, depressed, stupid and such on this and other blogs, but when I'm with those kids, I don't even have to think about trying not to cuss. I don't get aggravated, and when it's been a long day of yelling(the kids that is) I can still maintain myself and only put them "in their place" when need be, and normally without them getting angry, unless one decides to throw a tantrum. However, I have these kids under good control, with Ben or without, I can get them to listen to me. Something his mother seems to lack because they respect no one but their Father. I have no idea if it's because I'm his girlfriend, and combined with the knowledge I already have from raising my niece and nephew, if this is why they react to me so.
His mother complains about being stressed by taking care of all three all day while he works. He tells her she should let me help, but no, she can handle it, she just wants to complain.
I understand I just entered the picture after they left last summer, yes I'm young, jobless, carless, educationless. Damnit all though, I am good with those kids! I love them as if they were my own, I refer to them as the kids, as in mine and my loves.
Now, though, I have learned to never expect them to accept me, appreciate what I can bring to the table, or that I might be right for their son. I can do nothing about this and won't. Just act polite, be there for the kids, and complete my plan that is still in action. Here it is, listed;
Start studying the drivers handbook, on weekends, before love goes to work, and after he will let me learn to drive his manual in an empty parking lot.
Get my drivers license, maybe be lucky enough for someone to buy me a car. If not Love and I will take each other to work.
Get a job once I can get myself back and forth.
Take GED test in September, if I do not pass, keep taking it till I do.
Start classes for Medical Assistant or a Vet Tech. Or it's called a veterinarian assistant, not sure. Whichever is quicker or better paid. They are both short classes, about nine months or so.
Get a job in this filled, become comfortable with it.
Return to school and decide what career I am sure of.
Move out with Love as soon as this is possible, will deff be after I can drive and have some sort of job, also after my GED.
When everything is in it's place, we are moved out, I have a job and car, both that I can depend on. We want to get married, first I will be converting to Catholicism. I was always a Christian, so switching denominations isn't a big deal for me, plus I like the idea of the traditional ways of some Catholic churches.
So that's my plan! This weekend I will get a drivers handbook, I have signed up at gedforfree.com and am studying, though it is hard, I admit, to sit and study. I don't know when the driving lessons with love will commence, I imagine more than likely after the kids leave when we have more time for ourselves. We have to spend every second with them because they will be leaving in a short two weeks :(
Well I suppose I should study for a bit, force myself to.
Love
Valley Cake
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